How to be an LGBTQ+ Ally: Questions not to ask your LGBTQ+ co-workers
As we learn about the LGBTQ+ community and the diversity of people within the community it is natural to want to know more. The number of visible identities is growing and it can seem intimidating and complicated to understand for those who are not part of the LGBTQ+ community. It is a great thing to be eager and willing to learn, and education is an important part of creating a more safe and inclusive environment for everyone. So, it is important to learn how to be a good LGBTQ+ ally. In this article, we are going to starting with what questions you shouldn’t be asking people in the LGBTQ+ community, especially within the workplace environment.
You might know someone who identifies within the LGBTQ+ community and figure they’re the best person to ask those burning questions. They might be, but they also may not.
Before asking questions consider:
- Is this something you could educate yourself on? If you haven’t already attempted to look up the answer, do that first.
- Are they the appropriate person to ask? Consider the relationship you have with that person. A close friend or family member is likely the most appropriate person to ask, rather than an acquaintance or co-worker.
- Is it the right time or place to be asking this question? Ideally, if you want to learn something about the queer community, a question should be asked at a time when the person is able to give an appropriately in-depth response and the space’s atmosphere is comfortable for the conversation. The workplace is likely not the place to ask these questions.
Asking for Consent
While it is important to be cautious of who you are asking as well as the questions you ask, it is equally as important to ask for consent before asking a question about the LGBTQ+ community or a person’s identity. Asking for consent can be simply “can I ask you a question about X?”. Then respecting the persons’ response.
You may be thinking How do I know whether or not a question is appropriate to ask? Here is a list of things to consider, explaining why questions can be challenging to receive for those in the LGBTQ+ community.
Why be Conscious of the Questions
- Many of the well-meaning questions are hurtful or make people feel uncomfortable. For example; “What’s your type?” “So is it a he or a she?” “Who’s the guy and who’s the girl?” “What’s your real name?” These types of questions are often seen as overly personal and invasive, and often they can imply that you’re asking about their sex life.
- People in the LGBTQ+ community get a lot of questions. It takes a lot of emotional energy to educate people, and it can feel even more exhausting when asked the same or similar questions and that have answers that could be found online.
- Often questions do not have a straightforward answer. Gender and sexuality are complicated and exist along a spectrum. Because of this, it often takes someone a significant amount of time and mental energy for them to answer.
- Not everyone has the experience or knowledge to answer every question. Just because someone is a part of the community doesn’t mean they can speak for everyone in it.
As you learn about the LGBTQ+ community, it is important to also learn how to be a good LGBTQ+ ally. So, be considerate of the energy required to answer questions and always respect your co-workers’ consent when it comes to asking questions. So first before asking, consider; if you can educate yourself first, whether they are the right person, and if the timing is appropriate.
If you’re motivated to learn more about the LGBTQ+ community consider checking out sites like TheSafeZoneProject for terminology, PFLAG – a website for families and friends of LGBTQ+ people, or GLAAD – an organization devoted to shaping conversations about LGBTQ+ people.
Read another article about Supporting LGBTQ+ Co-workers.